Chorus of Chaos

“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.” The great American novelist, Henry Miller, was on to something when he wrote this. Although most of us find chaos to be uncomfortable and try to avoid it, we need it to help unveil the truths in our reality. The physics of Chaos Theory and the history of the world both tell us that order is formed in the fog of chaos. The necessity of chaos, however, does not negate the fact that it leaves marks on us from which it is nearly impossible to recover.

The early years of my life were marked by chaos. Violence, addiction, instability and depression were rampant amongst my primary caregivers and my life was in a state of perpetual upheaval for the first five years. The events of my early childhood have certainly left an impact on me. I have mistrust and fear of others. My “fight or flight” response in stressful situations can be intense. When my husband is five minutes late coming home and I am certain that he is dead. These behaviors of mine are the permanent scars from my chaotic start.

To talk about the negative impacts of this stress is to focus on only one portion of the overall effects this chaos had on my life. From the dust of chaos comes a beautiful type of order. I came out of this mess a stronger person. I am resilient and driven. I also know that I can get through absolutely anything and be better for it. On top of this character building, I also came to have practical understandings of the realities of life. I knew that I needed to have a will and a good life insurance policy. I also developed a will to be independent and financially secure, never relying on my parents to take care of me. I think that if my childhood would have been easier, I may not have had the same level of confidence and success in my life as I do today.

My story is a microcosm of the greater story of chaos in the lives of humans. Cultural shifts, war, and economic instability all bring about chaos in the lives of people. It is the children, our most vulnerable citizens, that feel the brunt of societal chaos. Currently, much of our world is in a state of flux. The civil war in Syria has turned hundreds of thousands of Syrian citizens into refugees living in Turkey and Algeria. They have gone from having normal lives with work and school to living in tents and waiting to be handed their next meal. They have gone from being a stable majority population in their country to being minorities much maligned by the citizens of Algeria and Turkey who resent them for taking valuable space and resources from their governments.

The Syrian children growing up in this situation are forming a much different understanding of the realities of life than their parents did a generation ago. They have a completely different perspective on war, government, food, school, international relations, and their own culture. While these children are suffering, many of them are also developing fortitude. They are seeing problems and they will one day figure out how to solve them. There is great hope for them if they are able to survive this challenge they currently face.

As Chuck Palahniuk said, “Our real discoveries come from chaos.” There is a natural order ready to be identified in the dust of any chaos, we have to look for it and learn from it. If we do, we can make amazing discoveries about ourselves and the world. The paradox with this universal need for chaos is the fact that so many people cannot survive it. We need chaos and we must still work tirelessly to prevent it in order to protect our most vulnerable citizens. We are stuck fighting for our lives against something we truly need. This is the poetic nature of physics, infinitely complex and brutally honest. All we can do is try to survive.


~ by vegucationmama on March 31, 2013.

2 Responses to “Chorus of Chaos”

  1. Hello RB,
    Thanks for sharing your story, it is amazing! The events in your life have made you a woman of strength, and has made you the woman you are today. Which make me think of the Sudanese women who have endured, murder, rape, sodomy, and slavery at the hands of men and women from their own country, as well as you mentioned the women from Syria, who I am sure that have and are experiencing the same choas. I hope that many of these women will find freedom some, and that they turn out just as you did. Thanks once again.
    Best Regards,

  2. “Violence, addiction, instability and depression were rampant …” ouch – I thought I kept things more normal than this…

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